Big Gay Blog

We don’t need your fake support…

I would just like to know why people feel the need to be fake.

This post is regarding the Big Gay Issue of fake support.—-> Just imagine for a moment, that a major person in your life that you very much appreciate the support of.  ex: parents, sibling etc.  Shows their true colors and it is apparent that they are not totally comfortable with you being you.

Hypothetical story line based on actual experiences:

You come out to them (sorry, have to keep this on generic) and everything is fine and well, they still love you even if they don’t necessarily understand all the tiny details, but that’s ok…because they love you for who you are.  There is unconditional love and where there is unconditional love understanding can grow, right?

Hmmmmmmmmm No.

Apparently there is such a thing as fake support.  The words “unconditional love” seem to mean significantly less in the face of “polite” society.  Apparently, while you were just doing your own thing, it seems that you also stepped on peoples toes…  They don’t like it that you are so open and OUT.  On facebook saying remotely smushy things or talking about your significant other becomes a faux pas.  I mean, we can’t really have the same rights as heterosexual couples can we?  Our abnormalities might harm the development of small children (that one, I still don’t understand) or offend family members.  WE the homos, must keep things quiet, not rock the boat, not make things awkward.  The fake supporters still love us, we just tend to make them uncomfortable because of what OTHERS will think.


—>I had this experience and WOW was it a rude awakening…My (we will just say supporter) actually wrote to me, ill lay it out for you:

After saying something about having a fantastic girlfriend via fb status, I received this message.

**Supporter: Elisabeth I wish you would confine your references to your sexual orientation to your blog.Young people in this house look at facebook and i don’t want to erase you from my news feed.

I dumbly asked what reference they were talking about and received the answer “girlfriend girlfriend.”

Since I am definitely a Taurus and can never seem to let things go, after my astonished pause I parried back.

**Myself: Uh, I’m gay…that’s me…big and gay. I shouldn’t have to be hush hush about it.

**Supporter: don’t expect you to be , but there are places to express that and on very public facebook it is not mature to be constantly referencing your model of living.For most people these are private matters, not advertised, and this has nothing to do with who you are it is a matter of communication and what is appropriate for the public venue and what is not.

—> Are you seeing the connection to my “hypothetical” story?<—

Well let me just say that this made me rather irritated, keep in mind that this supporter is a novice to facebook and has had it less than a year.  Also, my supporter says “model of living” which in turn made me really steamed.

**Myself: It is not a model of living its a sexual orientation like any other. facebook is a friend networking site and the friends that I converse with are genuinely ok with me being gay. Heterosexual couples say the same things I say,there is also the fact that my blog posts on my facebook in order to gain more hits so there will be biggay posts no matter what. If there are people in the house that can’t deal with my being gay, erase me from your feed or don’t leave facebook on. As for young children seeing it, why is that a bad thing? You are acting like my being gay is a bad thing, like you are trying to hide it. What kind of message does that send kids? Maybe they should be exposed to homosexuals, perhaps there would be less bigotry and hypocrisy in the future generation.


After I sent that last message I didn’t receive word back.  Looking back now I wish that I had torn into them a bit more.  This really got me steamed and made me start thinking about all the fake support there is out there.  Personally, I think that if you don’t totally support me, don’t say you do.  Give me the truth, don’t sugar coat things.  They say they are our allies and they are all for change and equal rights yet they are not comfortable with us being OUT.  How does that work?  How is it possible to change the world in silence?  If we do not speak, then we are not heard and bigotry and oppression ensues.  It is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken by voices.  Silence enables our oppressors and makes our cause stagnant.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * dave says:

    rock it, girl. speak the truth!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  2. * Big Gay Blog says:

    Exactly! I don’t understand how people can act like that…You condone kids to a life of ignorance and confusion when you hide things.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  3. * Katie says:

    AGREED. I can’t stand it when people try to sweep things under the rug like if they don’t acknowledge them, they’re not real or valid. And trying to “shield” children is absurd – not only will it give them a bigoted view of the world once they’re older, but children are always more curious about what you’re trying to hide from them. Raise people not bigots!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
    • * Katie F says:

      That pisses me OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago

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